Did you ever notice how when you buy a car, all of the sudden you see the very same make/model everywhere... I'm having that same sense in a different area of my life - wanting to have another baby. I see pregnant moms and newborns everywhere!
New life is such a gift - such an opportunity to rejoice in God's goodness and graciousness. So why then when I learn a new little person has arrived or is on the way is my first response jealousy? And not just a little tinge of jealousy... a feel-it-in-the-pit-of-my-stomach, move-me-to-tears, palpable jealousy that in the moment leaves me immobilized.
This week, God brought forth an answer for me - I've been wanting a baby more than I've been wanting Him to take utmost importance in my life. I've convinced myself that another pregnancy and baby will make me happy in a way nothing else can.
*A sermon series on Idol Worship at church was very convicting for me. You can listen here once the last weeks of February are uploaded. I also found this article helpful.*
Idol worship is so very slippery because there are things we desire that seem like 'good' things. Wanting to grow our family, wanting to love on another child - these are not bad things to hope for. But when they become a focus in my life greater than my focus on God, there is a problem.
This is where I find myself: wanting to want Him more, wanting to want another baby less. In the midst, realizing over again, how amazing His grace for us is. How desperately I need Him and His unconditional love for me. How imperfect we are, but how right that is for perfection is only in Him. That He is enough.
Here is the song that's been on my heart. I pray that it blesses you as it's blessed me.
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