Date Night

Instead of an embarrassing or endearing story about my children, I thought I would write about my date night tonight with my husband of almost 5 years. We're headed to Chima to stuff our faces with delicious Brazilian food. I'm very excited!

Now I wish I could tell you that we've had lots of date nights in our marriage, but the truth is, we havn't. This will be the first real one since Lily was born. After Gabe and through Lily, I had this idea that leaving my babies with someone else so I could go out with my husband was a little selfish... what if they needed me? what if the babysitter didn't do things the way I do them? what if something happened?

But I began to notice a difference in my relationship with Tim. I was focusing all my energies on the lives of my little ones, and not leaving energy for my relationship with my husband. And next to my relationship with the Lord, my relationship with Tim needs to be the most important one in my life. It is the partnership that colors everything - how I interact with my children, my extended family, my friends, strangers.

Tim was feeling jealous of the time I spent with the kids, and frustrated by the lack of energy I had for him at the end of the day. I was feeling distant from my husband, and that he didn't understand what I was going through as a mother.

I don't agree with everything James Dobson says and does, but I will say that through a series he did with Focus on Marriage, Tim and I were able to begin dialogues with one another about our feelings, and our frustrations and sadness. The series was a window - an opportunity for realization and understanding. It opened our eyes to truths we hadn't faced about how each other was feeling, as well as opening our eyes to scriptural truths about our responsibilities to one another.

I now can say with complete assurance that I am not a bad mother for wanting that time with my wonderful husband. I can say that I need that time with Tim in order to be the best possible mother to my children, and the spouse God created me to be for Tim.

And while our marriage was never 'in trouble,' I am happy to report that Tim and I are closer than we've been before - that we continue to grow in love and relationship with one another each day. I can say that by purposefully setting time (and energy) out of every day for one another, we've deepened the bond we have and we've taken our relationship to new heights.

I am a blessed woman - a blessed wife - and a blessed mother.

*It does still drive me crazy that he leaves the toilet seat up, and refuses to put his dirty socks in the laundry!